Subject15 Symbolism Ending

Chapter 12

I mean. Food poisoning sucks. It sucks major. Me no likey.

The doctor was based off medical staff I’ve dealt with in the last few years. I’ve noticed a pretty big increase in diversity in the hospitals, mainly coming in from India. Everyone I’ve ended up being treated by have been really polite. Their linguist patterns are strung in an interesting rhythm. I rather like it. I prefer having them talk to me over all the old cowboys who usually saw to me up ’til recently, because they get to the point and don’t hem and haw and beat around the bush and you leave going “but, what is wrong with me?” Also, the guy in high school from the Punjab I had a crush on? Yeah, he beat me in chess a couple times in like three moves. Talk about frustrated.

Chapter 13

Everything I hate. People asking really pointed questions when I don’t know their motives in asking. Having my clothes judged. Being forced to go clothes shopping. Being told to keep my hyperfocus short.

Chapter 14

Ah, the ditch it in the potted plant reference. So many movies and cartoons make use of this. My mom used to keep a pair of fake trees in her office when she had one at work. Fancy digs. I think she had four really nice bookcases and, if memory serves some really nice chairs and a big L shaped desk. This scene to me was that office she had that I’d go to when school was out. I’d end up reading books for the whole day. Anyways, these fake trees. I could just imagine there being a fake potted plant in this scene where the food could get ditched and it would end up rotting. No one really seems to point this possibility out in books or even in movies. Like, post credits, the poor staff is trying to figure out why the plant is withering or there’s red wine seeping out through the raffia at the bottom of the basket.

Chapter 15

Ah. Haha. Hahahaha let me go cry in a corner, I hate meeting people’s family. It’s like “here, let me introduce you to why I’m weird and broken, maybe you’ll like them, maybe they’ll hate you, put on your performance face.” Like. Nah, man. I’m good over here in my little house plant nest. Wait, your dad grills? I’m in.

Compression gear. It’s in a few of my books. It’s comfortable and feels nice and reassuring. Binders, not so much. I get light headed and it ruins my blood pressure/anxiety thing. But running gear, that slight hug feeling makes the wirey energy thing stop. That and loose breathable clothing like tunics or cargoes are the best. Especially if the cargoes are good quality and heavy.

I had what a shop labeled “tunic” but was a plum embroidered shalwar kameez top, sans the pants back in high school and wore that thing threadbare oh my god it was so comfortable. Long sleeved, it was a thin weave that breathed and I could wear it in summer and winter and not feel like I had people judging my skin.

Chapter 16

This one. You know those people. The ones who try to set you up to fail so you look foolish, especially if it’ll make your friends also look like idiots. Abhi was that bully from high school. The one that made you into a sideshow freak and you just get pulled into the whole situation somehow. It was one of the best feelings when you could perform so well as to embarrass them, but that was mentally draining. Having pattern recognition down and a memory for textbooks, an ability to string together large amount of historical facts and a capacity to draw and being socially awkward just set me up for getting into these types of performance situations. I only really got a grasp on the exploitation when I got older.

Chapter 17

Vittoria. Um. Pictures might explain, I guess? I have an art history/history degree, but my focus was not in European art, save for my offshoot focus in the Impressionists and the influence of Ukiyo-e on mass production woodblock print methodology that worked for poster distribution. I just like Vittoria’s statues.

Chapter 18

Oh, let’s finally meet this little side step villain that is about to trigger Fane’s protective side. Also, here’s that kiss scene that kind of started the whole mess. And the gold and red. Wedding colors. Ishan might have been making some points about his interest in Fane but has a hard time actually communicating in a less round about way.

Chapter 19

This was where I started panicking. What was I going to do with Subgalaxia? I sort of wanted to just bring it into this book, but I had written the section I named Chambers as a seperate individual, like a really long prologue, to explain the time skip. I couldn’t quite figure out how to make that sporadic jump make sense. This is where I had to ask myself if this was a three book or a four book series. I needed to address the baron as the villain and create that kind of tension while coming back to the Grey Monster and everything just turned into a mess.

I had finished Fyskar and between it and Polaris Skies I knew where I was going with the ending in this book, I just needed a point A to point B and it took a dark path. Something people just don’t address in the he-man type action packed “save all the people” movies and books. What happens after? Some people aren’t able to just shrug off what they see. Often though the character ends up drowning themselves in alcohol or clamming up and acting tough and antagonistic. Hello. Not everyone can internalize that. So, I wrote the scene that not enough people show. Fane had to be a hero, but he also needed to be able to admit that it affected him doing it. Too many emergency service personnel see bad stuff during their shifts and put on a tough act until they can get home and process what they saw that day. He needed to process. I needed for that to be visible and okay and recognized.

Chapter 20

Seriously, why didn’t I space this chapter out a couple after that whole incident? Well. Initially I had three more chapters written in with Ishan’s parents betrothing him to a princess and him having to open up about his interest in Fane, etc. etc. and it felt pushed. It didn’t feel honest to the script. To me, this section was them coping. Trying to find something less alone in each other in the moment that Ishan realized he was the odd man out in his family. Alone in a moment of terror. Some people find ways of dealing with that realization.

I know there are people who write and portray “after an argument romance scene” but what about someone whose parents and family are all scattered, trying to take care of a complete upheaval to their system? Ishan needed in that moment a hug, honest enough. He needed that physical reassurance that he wasn’t floating lost in the dark. It feels like a disjointed scene so closely spaced unless you’re looking at the psychology of need and filling a void. Needing to be needed when everything just got turned on it’s head.

Chapter 21

As I said, I split up Subgalaxia for Subject15, so that would be the deal with the cliff hanger.

Blog Book Review Subject15

Chapel Orahamm View All →

I am a writer and artist working through the Kavordian Library series. I write sci-fi, fantasy, lgbt romance.

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